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“Chris!” Jessica
said, exasperated. “I HAVE to talk to you!”
“Hold on Jess,” he said. “Wait till Blake gets here.” Jessica sighed. She had been trying to get Chris to listen to her for about twenty minutes now. She was beginning to think she shouldn’t tell him.
“CHRIS!” He
still wouldn’t listen. That was the last straw.
“You know, “ she
said. “just forget it. I’ll tell someone else.” Chris stared after her.
“Jess-“ But he
was cut off by the stomping of her feet. She didn’t get far though, before she
almost ran into Zac. He stopped and looked at her.
“Hey, Jesso,” he
said. Her face softened at that. He always called her Jesso.
“What’s up?” he
asked.
“Ask your stupid
friend,” she said.
“Wha-who,
Chris?”
“Yes, Chris. The
bonehead’s so wrapped up in waiting for you, he won’t even listen to a word I
say.” Just then, Chris came up.
“Hey guys,” he
said. He sounded uncomfortable. Good, Jessica thought.
“Um, what’s
goin’ on?”
“Oh nothing,
Chris,” Jessica answered sharply before Zac could. “Just talking to my BROTHER
that you were so busy waiting for you couldn’t even hear my story.” Before
he could reply, she whipped her head around and stalked off.
« « «
Jessica walked
as far away from Chris and Zac as she could. She didn’t want to see their faces,
or hear their voices, or even sense them. She was so confused, and
everything seemed so wrong. She was sure that as soon she told Chris of her
predicament, he would help her find a way out of it. But she had abandoned that
idea. Now who should she tell? Not Chris. Not now. But who? She thought
back to her list. Maybe she could tell Ike. He might understand. Jessica sat
down on a bench and put her head in her hands. Nothing seemed right anymore.
« « «
“You’re her
brother?” Chris asked incredulously. Zac nodded.
“Yep. And she’s not going to talk to you for weeks. One time, I stuck her Barbie in the very top of the Christmas tree. She only spoke to me because it was Christmas. She’s got one hell of a temper.”
“Great.”
“Well, I gotta
go.” Zac wheeled around in the direction of his house. Chris shook his head and
started for his house.
« « «
When Jessica
walked home about an hour later, Chris was outside his house, obviously waiting
for her. She rolled her eyes. He wasn’t good at being subtle. She ignored him
and walked straight for her house. He hurried up and scrambled after her.
“Jess, I’m
sorry.” She ignored him and stuck her nose higher in the air. He tried several
more times before getting angry.
“Look! I’m
sorry, okay! I can’t read your mind! I don’t know why you act like the freak
you do!” She stared at him for one fleeting moment, tears visible in her eyes.
In one quick motion, she reached out and slapped him. She narrowed her eyes, and her face low, said, “Go to hell.” She
opened the door and walked in, slamming it in his face. She tried not to cry
before she got to her room, but she couldn’t. Tears started pouring down her
face. She hurled her jacket at a chair and clambered up the stairs. Her family,
at the dinner table, watched with open mouths. After a moment, loud music
blared throughout the house from Jessica’s room.
« « «
After the loud music subsided, around midnight, sleep fell over the Hanson house. But one light stayed on long after the others. Jessica sat in her room, scribbling down her life as fast and accurately as she could.
September 15th, 2001
Journal, I’m so confused. Today I tried to
tell Chris about Zac, and he was so wrapped up in WAITING for Zac, that he
wouldn’t listen. So I blew up at him, and then I went to the park. I must’ve
sat there for an hour, trying to sort out my hopeless life. When I got back,
Chris was waiting outside his house for me. He said he wasn’t waiting for me,
but I know he was. He can’t be subtle. And he kept apologizing, and I wouldn’t
talk to him. He got so mad. He blew up. Something like, “I can’t read your
mind! I can’t know that you’re going to act like a freak!” Something to that
effect. I almost started crying. But that’s the one thing that Grandpa always
said that I could actually do. ‘Okay to cry, but never let ‘em see ya.’ And I
don’t know what came over me. I told him to go to hell. I almost wish he would.
He doesn’t even care. And Mom and Dad, well, I don’t know about them. I came up
here so fast, I didn’t look at anyone. That’s how I feel lately. Like
everyone’s watching me. It reminds me of that song, about oh, 2 or 3 or 4 years
ago by the Goo Goo Dolls. ‘All Eyes On Me.’ I think I’ll drag out that CD and
listen to that song. What do you think? I think it’s a good idea. Maybe it’ll remind
me of better days. Well, until later (which is hopefully a BETTER later)
journal,
Jessica
And that night, at precisely 12:37 AM, the music started
again. ‘Daylight burns your sleepy eyes…’