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As I entered the hotel room, everyone gasped and was silent. I don’t think they knew what to say or do, or even think. I looked at all their hopeful faces, and I wondered how I could have ever left. They loved me so much, and it was obvious to me now. It’s strange the things you have to do to realize how much people care for you. The silence was uncomfortable. “Hi.” I broke it. They all got relieved smiles on their faces and everyone started talking at once. It was chaos. Mom just sort of sat in the corner smiling and holding Zoë. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so happy. All of a sudden, Zac just walked over to me. “Hey,” he said. I could tell he was uncomfortable. He never has been good at cheesy stuff like this. “Hey, Zac,” I said. “What’s up?” He smiled and laughed. I think that was when I realized that my whole family did care about me. I didn’t used to know that, and standing there in that hotel room, I suddenly thought about all the times that they had done things to care for me, or showed love toward me and I hadn’t even realized it. I suddenly felt very guilty, awful about how I had treated the most important people in my life. “Come here, Jess, I wanna talk to you,” Zac said. I walked into the bathroom with him. It was the only place to be alone. I could hear all the other kids trying to get in and Mom telling them to leave us alone. Zac and I always were really close.
“So, how’s your life been these past couple years?” he asked. I could tell he was still a little bit nervous.
“Um, ya know, pretty good, actually,” I smiled reassuringly. Jeez, Zac, it’s not like I’m gonna bite your head off.
“Well, tell me about! Jeez!” He always was the impatient one.
“Ok, well, after I left, Mom took me to Aunt Kate’s. She was really happy that I wanted to come live with her out of all the people in the family. She said I would always be welcome there, and I know she meant it. I still felt sorta weird though. Mom stayed for about 2 nights. When she left, I don’t know how I lived through it. I missed her so much. It wasn’t you guys that I wanted to get away from you know.” Zac nodded.
“Kate was so helpful. I really wouldn’t have made it without her. She said that I didn’t have to start school right away ‘cause it was a whole new experience for me, not just a new environment. I decided that it would probably be easier if I just got it over with and met some friends who might fill the huge hole in my heart. I didn’t want to call ‘cause after time, I cried for days. Kate and Tom came in the room one night, the Friday before I was supposed to start school. They said that they thought it might be easier if we moved away and out of Tulsa. The greatest thing was that they let me pick. Anywhere in the country they said. Well, actually, there were limitations. No snow year round and no non-winter climates. I didn’t wanna feel like I was in a different world from my family, so I chose Arkansas. I figured at least I was out of the state, but I was still close enough to you guys to feel safe. I started going to school. It just so happened that Aunt Kate’s sister lives here, and she helped us out with choosing a house and a school and everything. She also helped Uncle Tom find a job. She told us that she didn’t care for the schools, and Aunt Kate and I agreed so I ended up going to a private, religious school. I knew that Mom would be happy that I was getting my religious education somewhere. Plus, the people for the most part were pretty nice. I made friends easily. I don’t think you’ve met ‘em. I’ll hafta bring ‘em over sometime. We’ll work something out, ‘cause they’re really cool people, most of them, anyway. You might wanna watch out for Elizabeth and Marie though. They’re a little crazed, to say the least, but they’re good people. I don’t wanna talk too much. Do you have anything to say so far?” I chuckled. Zac shook his head. He looked pretty amused.
“Anyway, you get the idea. They think my name is Anna, or at least they did till yesterday. They think that we moved here from like, Idaho or something and they have no clue that my hair is dyed.” Zac seemed to find that pretty amusing. He sat there for a few minutes. I think he must’ve been deep in thought. Finally, he looked up and said, “So do you wanna come home?” That was just like Zac. Straight and to the point. He didn’t care how blunt he was. I sighed deeply. This was so hard, just like Aunt Kate said. I took a deep breath.
“I wanna come home ‘cause I miss you guys all so much, but I don’t know how I can just leave Aunt Kate and the life I’ve made here. How can I just leave all my friends? I mean, they’re the ones who’ve helped me through this, even though they never knew why I was so sad and depressed all the time. I couldn’t just pack up and leave. No way. But then again, I couldn’t leave you guys again either.” I buried my head in my hands and started to cry. I hated to cry, especially in front of my brothers, but I couldn’t help it this time. I bawled. I felt Zac wrap his arms around me. “It’ll be alright Jessie. I promise. We’ll help you. And it sounds like you have some pretty cool friends who I bet are really good at hard decisions. A whole lotta people care about you.” Strangely, I actually was comforted.
“Thanks Zac, what would I do without you?”
“That’s me!” he replied with a smart-alecky smile.
“C’mon, let’s go talk to everyone else,” I said.
“Sure, why not!” Zac, ever the optimist.
We walked out into the hotel room.
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