what christmas means to me

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by diana

christmas eve, 2016

Alicia pulled her light jacket closer around her body. She was so cold. She was used to being out on the streets and being alone. But this was a particularly cold winter in Tulsa, and she didn’t know what to do. She knew it wouldn’t be good to spend the night on the street. It was too cold. She had been alone, on the street almost all her life. But she had never been face with a challenge like this. She wasn’t ready. She had to find a place to stay. Even if it was someone’s house. She would just slip in at night when they were asleep and sleep on the floor. She wouldn’t take anything or damage anything. She’d just sleep and leave early in the morning. She had to find a place to stay. She had to.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

Zoë didn’t believe in Santa. Hadn’t since she was 5 and Avery sneeringly told her, “Stupid. There’s no Santa Claus. It’s Mom and Dad.” She had cried her eyes out. Years later, when she was 12, she realized what a stupid idea it was anyway. A fat old man coming down your chimney and leaving presents. Shyeah right. This was the first year she and her parents would be alone on Christmas. Mack had finally left for college after delaying it for a few years. They hadn’t heard from him since he left. Zoë wasn’t surprised. Avery was also in college, learning to be a vet. Jessica was married, living with her husband, Rick. She was pregnant, a girl due in February whom they had previously name Rose Marie. Then there was Zac and Mandy and their family, Ally and Irene, the twins. Taylor and Kathleen were somewhere in Nevada with their kids Jenny, Jonathan and Jake. Lastly, Isaac and Melissa were in New York City with Lily, Laura, Lacey and little David. Zoë thought it was a scream how Isaac and Taylor had named their kids all with the same letters. She would never wish such horror on any child. Her nieces and nephews were nice enough, but she didn’t want to see them, because then she would have to believe in Santa Claus. They had all been busy and not been able to show up. In a way, Zoë was both glad and mad. In the glad side, she wouldn’t have to believe in Santa Claus, on the mad side, she hadn’t seen most of her brothers and sisters in years.

Zoë looked over to the Christmas tree. It was covered with small bright and vivid blinking lights. Ornaments from as far back as when Isaac was little adorned it, and a pile of presents topped off the tree. Zoë gazed at it, remembering so many Christmases. The tree had looked the same every year, except this year there would be no happy family gathered around the fire. There would be a forgotten little sister and her parents, whom the other children no longer needed the assistance of.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

That night, at church, Zoë sat with her best friend, Jennifer. They had been friends for a while. Almost as long as Zoë had not-believed in Santa Claus. They sat together, squished in a pew with about 4 other people. They were Jennifer’s brothers and sisters. Zoë had always thought that Jennifer was lucky. She was the oldest child of a wealthy family of 5 kids. Zoë was the youngest of a wealthy family of 7 kids. But she didn’t mind the wealthy part all that much… Jennifer nudged her and they sat down. Their skirts swished together as they sat. They grinned at each other and laughed.

That night, when Zoë got home, she had planned to go straight to bed without bothering with milk and cookies for Santa as her siblings always did. But upon Jennifer’s urging after church, Zoë had promised to put out some milk and cookies for Santa. She pulled a few store-bought chocolate chip cookies out of the pantry and poured a glass of milk. She set them on a table by a plump armchair, knowing well that they would still be there, come morning. She had told her parents not to bother with Santa and things like that, it wouldn’t be worth it. She yawned and stretched. Milk and cookies for Santa, she thought bitterly, Jennifer’s nuts. She sighed to herself and went to bed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

Alicia was really cold now. The small windbreaker she had managed to attain could not keep out the cold. She had to find a house to sleep in. She hurried through the dark residential streets, searching for someplace safe. She was about to give up and go in a 24-hour Wal-Mart that was open on Christmas, when she saw it. It was a large house, large enough for a family of 11 at least. There were no lights in the windows. There were no brightly colored Christmas lights shining on the exterior of the house. It was perfect. They were either not home or already asleep. She looked around, checking wherever a person could fit. She didn’t want someone to think she was trying to steal something. She just wanted a warm place to sleep. She walked cautiously up to the front door and tried the knob. Surprisingly, it opened easily and without a sound. She smiled and slipped into the warmth. It greeted her like an old friend, someone or something she had not seen in years. She found herself in a large living room. There was a huge Christmas tree in the corner. Presents cascaded out from around the tree. She rushed over to the tree, almost forgetting she was in a stranger’s house. She slowed her step halfway there. She knelt down and examined them. To her it seemed like hundreds of presents. She hadn’t seen this many presents in……years. They were wrapped in brightly colored paper, bells and balls, ornaments and nutcrackers and Santas. Bows enhanced the presents, seeming almost to make them glow. She smiled and calmly read the tags.

To Mom

From Zoë

To Dad

From Zoë

To Diana

From Walker

To Walker

From Diana

There were quite a few that said:

To Zoë

From Mom and Dad

Alicia smiled and stood up. She looked around the room, observing the plump armchairs, which she sat in and greatly enjoyed, the soft leather couch, and the plush carpet. She was about to curl up in an armchair when she saw the table. There was a plate of chocolate cookies and glass of milk. They had obviously been left out by a teenager as a joke. But this was no joke to Alicia, she was hungry. Her stomach had been growling all day. She almost ran over to the table, almost tripping over presents and spoiling the whole thing. She devoured the cookies in about one bite each, and drank the milk in one swallow. She smiled and rubbed her stomach. They had tasted good. She leaned back into one of the plush armchairs she had sunk into. She was so tired, so tired. Before she knew it, she was sound asleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Alicia stood before a huge Christmas tree. Warmth and love seemed to surround her. She noticed people around her, smiling and laughing. Family. Her family. The huge tree in front of her was decorated with large gold balls, twinkling yellow lights and a bright gold garland. Presents seemed to flow from the tree. She bent down and examined the presents. All the tags seemed to have her name on them.

“Go ahead,” a voice said from behind her, “open them.” Without waiting, or even looking to see who it was, Alicia ripped through the gold paper that matched the tree. There were warm clothes, books, CDs, and everything else she could possibly think of. She was smiling up at her family when a cold wind broke through her. She shivered and looked down. When she looked up, the family was gone.

She woke with a start, jumpy from her dream. She realized that all of a sudden, she had gotten very cold. She pulled the windbreaker tight around her. Why had it gotten so cold all of a sudden? Oh well she thought. I’ve got to find out what time it is and get out of here anyway. She stood up and stretched. She wandered into the kitchen, looking for a clock. She found one on the microwave. It was 7:00 am. She was surprised that no one had discovered her. She thought back to the night before and how cold she had been. How she had come in the house and seen the presents and eaten the milk and cookies, and how the memory of this would keep her going for maybe a year, till the next Christmas. She wanted these people to know how they had helped her. She quietly opened a drawer and came across a pad of paper and a pen. She leaned against the counter and began to write.

Hello.

You don’t know me and I don’t know you. But I want to thank you. Last night, I spent the night in your house I ate the cookies and milk that had been left out for Santa. I promise I didn’t steal anything or damage anything. I just needed a place to stay for the night. I looked at your presents and seeing the tags and all the love to come along with them made me feel good. When I slept last night, I had the most wonderful dream I’ve ever had. And for one night, you made me warm. You made me safe. Someday, somehow, I’ll find you again and thank you. You’re my Santa Claus.

Sincerely,

Alicia

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Zac!” Jessica called from the airport seat. She stood up slowly and made her way to him. Isaac and Taylor had already shown up with their families and Avery and Mack had come together. She hugged him.

“It’s so good to see you!” He chuckled.

“Flight 402 to Tulsa, now boarding,” a voice said over a crackling intercom.

“That’s us,” Isaac said. The small group began picking up luggage and hurrying towards the terminal. It was Christmas Eve. Actually, it was closer to Christmas. The oldest six Hanson children had not been planning to go home for Christmas, but when Mrs. Hanson had told them how upset she had been, they had all agreed to pack up their families and go home for Christmas in Tulsa.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Alicia left her note by the empty glass and plate. She slipped quietly out the door at 7:15. She danced down the street, filled with happiness. Cold wind bit through her windbreaker and she could feel the cold ground through her thin shoes, but nothing could stop her form dancing, from being happy. She danced all the way out of the neighborhood into the downtown area. She was dancing, she had nowhere to go, but that didn’t matter. Because she knew, if she ever needed to, she could go back and these people wouldn’t mind. She could tell by the pictures on their walls, the tags on their Christmas gifts. She danced all Christmas day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Zoë stumbled out of her bed sleepily and downstairs. She wanted to see the plate of cookies that was still there, the milk that would have been sour by now. She sauntered slowly out of her room. Zoë stopped short at the door of the living room. The plate of cookies had been cleaned. There weren’t even any crumbs. The milk had been gulped. She frowned. At that moment, she saw the note. She picked it up. She was confused. Who would have eaten the cookies and milk? She knew it wasn’t her parents. They wouldn’t have eaten all of the cookies. She read the note.

Hello.

Sincerely,

Alicia

Zoë looked up. She had tears in her eyes. ‘You’re my Santa Claus.’ She smiled. She had made someone feel better. She had helped someone. The doorbell rang. She knit her brow. Who would come to their door on Christmas morning? They weren’t expecting anyone. She opened the door. She was taken aback at what she saw. Her whole family seemed to be piled outside the door. Isaac and Melissa were there with Lily and Lacey and Laura and David. Taylor and Kathleen with Jenny, Jonathan and Jake. Zac was there with Mandy and Ally and Irene. Jessie, pregnant as ever, was there with Rick. And even Avery and Mackenzie were crowded around the door. She grinned.

“What are you guys doing here?” she was close to tears, but she wouldn’t let herself cry.

“We decided that Christmas at home with you and Mom and Dad would be more fun,” Zac said. Zoë smiled again.

“Come in, it’s freezing!” As she ushered the clan into the house, Mr. And Mrs. Hanson came down the stairs.

“Goodness!” Mrs. Hanson exclaimed. “Where did they come from?” Zoë shrugged.

“They just showed up!” Zoë read the note once more as Mrs. Hanson gave hugs all around and all were welcomed into the house. No one noticed the empty plate and glass. Ally, the younger and shyer of Zac and Mandy’s twins, came up to Zoë. She was Zoë’s youngest niece or nephew besides Jessie’s baby. The twins were only five. Ally tugged on Zoë’s pajamas. Zoë stuffed the piece of paper in her pocket and scooped Ally up.

“Merry Christmas Miss Ally,” she said. Ally giggled.

“Merry Christmas Aunt Zoë,” she said in her little voice.

“Aunt Zoë?” Ally asked.

“What?”

“Do you believe in Santa Claus?” Zoë was quiet for a minute. Then she looked down at Ally, who was patiently awaiting an answer.

“Yeah,” Zoë said. “Yeah, I do.” They looked over at the brightly decorated and lit Christmas tree.

‘You’re my Santa Claus’

‘We decided Christmas at home with you and Mom and Dad would be more fun.’

‘Do you believe in Santa Claus?’

Yes. Yes I do. This is what Christmas means to me.